I devoted my daughter all my life, and this is not a sacrifice, it pleased me. After a divorce at 24 years old, I did not live with men. There were novels. The daughter got married 3 years ago, and I thought about it, began to make attempts to arrange a personal life. https://byuiunderstandwp.com/practice/ But everything is breaking up about my inner unwillingness to live with someone. I can’t force myself to just stay overnight with a man. A couple of times, having laid without sleep for two hours, I left in the middle of the night. Once I had to stand at the subway and wait for his opening. Short-term novels to start at my age is already somehow unprecedented. How to combine this: unwillingness to be alone and inability to be with someone?
You have too categorically distinguished: either live together, or short -term novels. Just at this age, men do not particularly seek to live with a woman (if they are in search after a divorce, parting), because it is already difficult to adapt, there is no flexibility that was 20-25 years old, such motivation and attraction. Some cannot fall in love, there are difficulties with trust and ability to open, feel another person, accept him in his world.
You can build long, long -term relationships without cohabitation. Given that you have not lived with a man for 22 years, it is already difficult for you, too radically a change.
Mentally you have long been settled as a loner. You are only stimulated by the fact that your daughter now has her family. You are scared, empty. She grew up, separated, and now she has her own space. This separation forces you to look for a replacement, because you need to be with someone close. But you can’t replace your daughter.
It seems to me that you are still afraid of something. Perhaps the fact that if these are only meetings, then you are not safe and a man can start looking for other relationships, he is not controlled. He may have a relationship with you, or he can prefer someone else. The proximity is not fixed by daily life, cares, joys, rituals. You cannot demand anything from him or expect fidelity, devotion. This is a hypothesis. Think about what really bothers you.